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Way of Suffering

by Northern Widows

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1.
Yellow Room 01:45
I woke in the grip of a death sweat, defenseless against my own racking fears. A pause at the center of my being, I lacked the will and strength, to live. Drop me out a window, and I'll fall. Bury me and I'll rot. Set fire and I'll burn. I am garbage. I am cold.
2.
Manipulator 04:21
Spewing hatred. Ripping vitriol. Clawing, gnashing. Cursing, desperate. I make virtues of your flaws. It's my nature to shield. Something lurks inside the truth. I let you in and show you hate. I am the false character, that follows the name around.
3.
There's no escape now. We're doomed to fail. This is coming to an end. There's nothing we can do. Planet earth beaten, into submission. Strip the land. Poison the sea. Rape the forests. Burn humanity. Prop them up to stand on the soapbox, all the while we're made to kill... each other. I breathe the air that harbors bitter old men, who amuse themselves with pointless war games. War games. Prop them up to stand on the throne of lies. Let them kill each other - ropes around their necks They'll pay for this. Misguided propaganda on ignorant youth. The steady decline of the human machine. We curl up to die.
4.
Ensnared soul, caught in the circle of teeth. A morbid sense of misery, wells up. Completely lost... In hatred for mankind.
5.
The march of history, the very bowels of mankind. I expect nothing. I am nothing. By the limits of endurance, I have found god and they are insufficient. Picked clean. A skeleton. Dawn is breaking on a new world. A jungle in which lean spirits roam. I f I am a beast, I go forth and fatten myself. Only earth and sky will go on. We must come to an end.
6.
Black as night, souls in the abyss. Skin riddled with craters, blood boiling in the heat. Melting away. Give me your heart. Give me your soul and I'll go away... I've haunted you since you were born. Pink mounds of your flesh in my hands. Life hisses out in billowing clouds. I'll let you drown! "I am weak and I am a failure. There's just no getting around it. Relatively soon, I will die. Maybe in 20 years, maybe tomorrow, it doesn't matter. Once I am dead and everyone who knew me dies too, it will be as though I never existed. What difference has my life made to anyone. None that I can think of. None at all." We will drown in the tides of blood and time. There's no escape. We're doomed to fail now.
7.
Love is death for me. My flesh resists it all. My thoughts aren't so clear. I crawl inside myself. I know it hurts to be. But should I listen to the lie? Brush off the mortal coil, Or live my life? Be your own master. Stand self righteous, on this earth. Walk proud with your head held high, strike fear into the hearts of cowards, who want to destroy. Be everything you were meant to be. NO REGRETS IN LIFE!
8.
I've dreamed of being, dead for too long. I'm only living to go through the motions. What a life it is, to suffer like this. The thirst of eternal misery, never fucking quenched. Like servant to master, I'm never allowed happiness. It's torment chains and shackles me every fucking day. Forced to watch everything, I'm afraid of projected in infinite scale. Constantly reminded... Mankind is a writhing primate, frothing and thrashing for meaning. Killing my spirit.

credits

released June 29, 2018

Recorded, engineered, mixed and mastered by Jonathan Thompson at Neural Discord Studio.

Illustrations by Nate Burns // IG: @revoltingworship

Layout by Collin Simula

Insert photography by Levi Marshall

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Northern Widows Columbus, Ohio

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